Exactly how a federal government slush fund turned your slushie wait into a revenue scheme
In a spectacular development that endangers to hinder both corner store procedures and global aid programs, Department of Federal Government Performance (DOGE) Principal Elon Musk has subjected a private USAID campaign created to train Circle K staff members in the art of deliberate inefficiency and determined indifference.
The discovery came as component of DOGE’s more comprehensive examination into federal government waste, with Musk and co-chair Vivek Ramaswamy directly performing a 3 AM audit of Circle K locations across the country. Through a series of tweets posted from behind a Circle K hot dog roller, Musk shared dripped documents disclosing USAID has spent about $ 420 million in what they internally called “Procedure Snail’s Rate”– a comprehensive training program mentor corner store staff members just how to best the art of being maximally unhelpful while keeping plausible deniability.
“This is exactly why we created DOGE,” Musk tweeted while waiting 45 minutes for a Slurpee machine to be re-filled. “Initially they came for our federal companies, then they came for our corner store. The deep state runs much deeper than we …